Are you still trading things?

I probably get asked that question about 500 times a year. Every year. For the past 1.5 years. Yep, I'm still trading things. Just not really keeping a website about it. Trading things is fun, and maintaining a website about it was fun, but I figure I kinda peaked on the awesomeness level with that, so I just trade low pro these days. And yes, sometimes I trade things for money and sometimes I trade money for things. But usually I keep it real, do things the old fashioned way and put everything on my visa card.

I also get asked for advice on how to go about trading things. So today I'm happy to share some trading advice I've learned over the years. This advice is cultivated from personal experience, in the same vein as my experience of getting $4 and a microwave, which I wrote a nice little story about. Sure, some of the expenses associated with the advice may leave you in the red slightly, but that's all part of the game. The following trading strategies are all true, and have worked in the past, except one. Can you guess which?

How to get $75 worth of free drinks:
1. Go to Bangkok.
2. Buy a vintage Montreal Expos baseball jersey for 150 Thai Baht at the Chatuchak Weekend Market.
3. Put the jersey on.
4. Go to a bar on Boulevard Des Forges in Trois Rivieres, Quebec.
5. Order a drink.
6. When bartender offers you $50 for the jersey, say thanks, but no thanks.
7. When bartender offers you $80 for the jersey, take if off your back and place it on the bar.
8. Collect $80 from bartender.
9. Pocket the five dollars the jersey cost in the first place.
10. Place the remaining $75 dollars on the bar and collect $75 worth of drinks.

How to get a free Hot Wheels General Lee toy car and ten pieces of Dubble Bubble chewing gum:
1. Wait for the weekend.
2. Drive a Toyota to the flea market in Cloverdale B.C.
3. Find a table selling used CDs for $2 ea.
4. Buy five CDs for $10.
5. Find a table buying used CDs for $3 ea.
6. Sell five CDs for $15.
7. Walk over to the nice man selling the General Lee toy car and trade $4.50 for it.
8. Drive to gas station and buy ten pieces of delicious Dubble Bubble chewing gum.
9. Spend the remainder of the weekend playing with your General Lee toy car and laugh at Pud's latest exploits.

How to go rafting on the Bow river in Calgary for free:
1. Go to a big hardware/outdoors store, like perhaps the NW Calgary Canadian Tire location at 5404 Dalton Drive NW that has the following phone number: 403-288-1100
2. Purchase an inflatable boat and foot pump.
3. Drive a spare car to the city centre of Calgary, and leave it there.
4. Place the boat and pump in a 2001 Jeep TJ and drive upstream a ways.
5. Inflate boat with pump and toss it in the river.
6. Jump in boat before it floats away.
7. Enjoy an afternoon of river rafting.
8. Get out of river when you get to your spare car.
9. Deflate boat, put it and foot pump back in box and on the way to pick up 2001 Jeep TJ, return both for a full refund.

How to get a 1990 Burgundy Dodge Caravan:
1. Go to a convenience store on Commercial Drive in Vancouver.
2. Purchase a Mustache Match scratch and win lottery ticket for one dollar from cashier named Wally.
3. Scratch to reveal three handlebar mustaches, a $1000 prize.
4. Collect your winfall.
5. Buy 1000 Mustache Match scratch and win lottery tickets with the $1000 winfall.
6. Spend all day scratching the 1000 Mustache Match scratch and wins.
7. Return to convenience store to collect your winnings.
8. Realize your winnings are only $493 dollars.
9. Walk to the sidewalk with $493 dollars in your hand.
10. See 1990 Burgundy Dodge Caravan for sale on side of road for $450 dollars.
11. Call number on for sale sign.
12. Talk to Wally, person selling van, and realize he is the same Wally who was the cashier in the convenience store.
13. Offer Wally $493 for his van.
14. Drive home in your new van.

How get 2 sundaes and a dollar of store credit at WAL-MART:
1. Buy bicycle from garage sale for $10.
2. Go to WAL-MART and buy cable bike lock, on sale for $12.
3. Lock your bicycle to a metal fence in Montreal.
4. Cross your fingers and hope that if somebody steals your bike they have the courtesy to leave the clipped remains of the cable bike lock on the sidewalk.
5. Uncross fingers after that happens.
6. Wait a few days until the bike lock is no longer on sale and return, without a receipt, remains of the cable bike lock to WAL-MART, as it was a faulty product.
7. Get Wal-Mart store credit for $25
8. Go to in-sore McDonalds and buy 2 sundaes for $2
8. Enjoy sundaes and think of all the wonderful things you can purchase with your one dollar of WAL-MART store credit.

How to get a matching set of beige suits:
1. Walk along a sidewalk in Vancouver until you come to a low-hanging Billboard covered in actual bobblehead NHL hockey players.
2. Wait for lady passenger in a convertible to pull up to the light and say: "Hey, wanna grab me an Inginla?"
3. Grab her an Iginla.
4. Convince lady passenger in convertible to buy Iginla bobblehead for five dollars.
5. Drive to sale in gymnasium of nearby school and buy two plastic goalie masks for five dollars.
6. Take goalie masks to Sport Junkies and exchange them for twenty dollars.
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7. Go to the Society of St. Vincent de Paul charity thrift store at the corner of Main and 12th and purchase two beige suits for nineteen dollars and twenty five cents.
8. Tell the cashier to keep the change.

I think that's enough advice for now, but if you need any more trading strategies, please feel free to ask.

Your pal,

Kyle

1 comment:

Matt said...

One time Safeway had packages of Bologna on sale for $0.99. The packages had $1.00 off stickers on them. The cashier gave me some low end processed meat and a penny. I think I peaked that day. It's all been downhill since then.