Halloweekend

Going to a big Halloween party on Sat. It's called Fest of Evil and put together by a buddy of mine, Harry. Have a feeling El Aguilla Del Norte might make an appearance or two. Just a hunch.

This dips back into the memories of Halloweens past, but here's a fun little tale for you:

My brother's buddy/landlord Paul dressed as "The Creep" for Halloween two years ago.

Fast forward to this year and ol Paul manages to buy himself a house in Victoria BC. A house with walls. A house with walls that paintings can hang from. Paintings paitned by Paul. Self portrait paintings by Paul.

Here's Paul and his self-portrait adorned wall at his new house. I'm sure he'll enjoy this come the 31st as much as he's surely enjoyed it to date.



FYI:
The painting is entitled "Summer Breeze / Jam ". The title pays homage to summer breezes and summer jams.

FYI2:
Paul's phone number is 1-250-FUN-PLAY
Why not call him and compliment him on his artwork?! He loves to talk about fun and many other things. Tell him Kyle sent you. He'll like that.

Hard Charger

That’s my new favorite compliment. Hard Charger. As in, “Hey there hard charger, how’s she going?” I love it. Awesome. No, nobody’s said it to me yet, it’s just a third-hand compliment given to somebody else and told to me by another, but it still rules. Look for ‘hard charger’ to replace my current generic names of ‘chief’, ‘buddy’ and ‘guy’ over the next while. I’m certain that it could replace “legend’ as my favorite generic person-calling term. But it’ll be a showdown, for sure.

So anyhow, in other news, I’m currently not employed by Best Buy but it looks like I am. This marketing company got hired by Best Buy to find staff for Best Buy’s grand opening weekend and then they hired me. My job is to ‘handle’ the first 150 people that arrive at the Best Buy location in a Montreal suburb called Pointe Claire, on Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs this week and force them to stand in the cold driving rain until noon. Yes, you could say that it’s hard charging rain – feel free. So, those lucky/stupid enough to be one of the first 150 in the line at noon get a free pair of tickets to the Black Eyed Peas concert at the Bell Centre this Sunday night. All seven Best Buy locations in Montreal are hooking up free tickets. Best Buy is paying for the entire concert and there’s no place to buy tickets.

Enter the scalpers. Surprising how easy it is to pick out scalpers from Black Eyed Peas fans.

Scalpers wear ripped Cannibal Corpse hoodies and say things like “So I got here at 11 last night and played dice with the security guard. I took him for thirty bucks. If you can score me an extra pair of floor seats, I’ll give you the cash. No wait, I’ll give you 25, I gotta buy smokes too bro. Hey, I’ll score you a grilled cheese sandwich too, my buddy’s got a George Foreman grill rigged up to his cigarette lighter in his Cavalier. It’s broke right now, but I think we can fix it before noon.”

Black Eyed Peas fans wear GAP track suits and drive a shiny Toyota Camry with a bumper sticker that reads ‘Philipino Crusaders for Christ’. Conversations usually consist of many ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ and their personal dilemma is always between “Should I see the show myself” or “Should I auction off my free tickets to raise money for my cousin’s Habitat for Humanity project in Cebu.

Both freeze their ass off.

Montreal is like the coldest city in North America but I’m continually amazed by the ability of Montrealers to put themselves in a near hypothermic state for free concert tickets. Funny how “I’ll be fine, cold doesn’t bother me” doesn’t pan out after 5 hours under windblown sleet wearing little more than a sweatshirt and a pair of Capri pants - especially when you’re 70 years old. People are stupid. I’m 100% certain that a mother is confronting her son with the following: “Sorry Dylan, I know that Grandpa wanted to see how Fergie got all that ass inside them jeans as much as you do, but you’ll have to find somebody to go to see the Black Eyes Peepers. Grandpa’s dead.”

But it’s not easy to stop a hard charger, especially when there’s free concert tickets on the line.

Cult Leader

http://whatsontonight.blogware.com

Much of the video footage at this site is pretty standard fare, but the commentary on these videos is EPIC. I have no idea if Allen Weiner knows how funny he is, but he has serious potential to build a MASSIVE inexplicable cult vlog following. Think internet-based Christopher Guest without knowing he's Christopher Guest.

Hounds

Okay, I've been lucky enough to see a lot of amazing things in my life, I admit it. But in all my 26 years on this planet, the following two video clips are the best things I've ever seen. Bar none. These are WAY too intense. I need to have a rest.

clip 1
clip 2

Le Meilleur Achat

is what they'd call Best Buy if they were forced to translate the name Best Buy into French. But they don't have to, so it's Best Buy in Quebec. Pretty sweet, I'm way more down with representing "Best Buy" for a 10 day promo than "Le Meilleur Achat". It'd be kinda like if they called Le Chateau "The Castle" outside of Quebec.....which would suck hardcore. "The Castle" is the name of one of the best movies ever made, and an Aussie one at that. Scope it out if you get the chance.

Oh, so yeah, I'm payin the bills this month by pumping up Best Buy out in these parts. Best Buy just opened 7 stores in Montreal and is going to bring the Black Eyed Peas to town for a "free" concert. All you have to do is line up for 5-7 hours at a Best Buy store and you're in there! FREE.

Good times all around, I've fallen in love with 'our' mascot named Taggie and even found out 'where my dog at'. It's awesome. Even Dom is in on the action!

V.V.

V.V. stands for Village des Valeurs in Quebec, which is Value Village in English, which is the best place on earth in any language. Dom had a tough time trying out her new fan because of the amazingness of the wolf sweater in front of her. I totally understand. Wolf sweaters are the best. As far as I'm concerned, the more wolf sweaters the better. Wolf sweaters would totally take jean shirts in a fight. So, I guess Dom is "in" the fan club then....maybe I should start a wolfpack.

DID vs DIDN'T T Dot

DID spend yesterday afternoon ripping down the 401 from the 514 to the 416. DID pass rigs doing 140 klicks. DID get passed by Cavaliers doing 160 klicks. DIDN'T Keep Apart 2 Chevrons. DID check into hotel out by Pearson directly under approach paths for 747s coming in from the other side of the pond. DID watch Habs lose to the Leafs and the Flames shut out the Oil on HNIC. DIDN'T win the 6/49 jackpot. DID Spend today at tradeshow hawking Table Shox and FiFo bottles next to a bloke who sells ice sculptures. DID meet Louie W. Mele, President of McDonald's Restaurants of Canada. DID get coupon/business card good for one free Big Mac (or any other 'Entree') from Louie W. Mele, President of McDonald's Restaurants of Canada. DIDN'T eat free Big Mac yet. DID eat donuts from both Country Style and Timmy Hos.

DID enjoy first 24hrs in GTA this month.

Message in a Book Proposal

Lots of updates today. Big fun. I'm currently in the process of pitching Message in a Barrel as a book to a bunch of publishing houses. I've fired together a couple of intro chapters and have submitted them to various places that buy book ideas.

Roxanne

I was hanging out with some friends last weekend, including one named Roxanne. It made me remember this story I wrote a while back....


*****************

I grew up in the house that wasn't in the movie Roxanne.

Belcarra is 45 minutes from Vancouver by car, 15 minutes by boat. When I was seven years old, Steve Martin came to Belcarra to film "Roxanne".

Five months prior to Steve Martin arriving in Belcarra, the producers of the movie scouted locations close to Vancouver to shoot the film and eventually stumbled upon our house. "We really like the balcony over the balcony, it's vital for a very important scene in the movie.” said the hollywood film guy. Another nodded in agreement, “Yes, very important. “You will need to relocate for a few months. Everything inside the house will need to be refinished, but you will be compensated and left with a house better than when we start.” The deal hinged on a tiered-balcony. Clearly, these guys were about to take filmmaking to a whole other level.

Dad looked at Mom and smiled, “Who would’ve thought our balcony would be so famous?” Mom looked at my Dad and smiled. “Finally, we can get rid of those damn carpets. Brown, what we’re we thinking?” Plans were drawn up to move us into a temporary apartment. Our house was going to be in a film. Our house was going to be famous. Boxes were already packed in my parent’s minds. Steve Martin was going to be in our house. Steve Martin was going to be on our balcony. Steve Martin was going to get rid of our brown carpets.

In the end, they built a new house for the film. I guess pretty much anybody can say the house they grew up in wasn’t the house from the movie Roxanne, but how many houses got the red ribbon? The brown carpets held their ground for four more years. By the way, the girl our age who eventually lived in the house from Roxanne was named Erin Dirkatch. Her famous house situation never made her famous, even locally. Actually, the only thing she’s ever become famous for so far was getting the unfortunate schoolyard nickname of ‘Erin Dirt Snatch.’ I’m glad they never filmed Roxanne in our house.

So, anyhow, Steve Martin was staying next-door to us and we’d watch him come and go from the set everyday with that giant nose on his face. He'd wave to us as he drove by and occasionally talk to some neighbours, who were of course, all huge fans.

One morning my brother and I were waiting for our school bus to arrive when Steve Martin came out for a quick look around after getting his giant nose make-up put on. He stood on the corner, gave a friendly wave, and waited for his ride service to arrive. From the house next door lurched Rommie, our wooden-legged senile neighbour who was at least 50 years out of Martin's comedy demographic. Actually, I'm pretty sure there’d never been a comedy demographic to ever apply to Rommie. In the five years since he’d moved in, I’d never once seen him laugh or smile, no matter how funny the situation. (including the time our dog, the appropriately named 'Rascal', sniffed at Rommie’s wooden legs, found his least favorite, then began to piss on it like a racehorse.) Rommie wasn't much of a 'walker' either, so for exercise he'd 'walk' his Doberman pincher, Princess, by firing up his giant camperized Dodge van then proceed to enjoy nature aboard two tons of steel propelled by a V8 engine. Rommie, in all his faded glory, started up his van and began to drive off with Princess running eagerly behind inhaling blue fumes.

So here was arguably the funniest man on the planet, Steve Martin, equipped with a giant prosthetic nose, displaying jut how funny he was. Imagine being eight years old and seeing the funniest man on the planet with a giant nose. Now that’s funny. The funniest man alive stood captivated by an even-more uproarious happening instigated by arguably the least funny man on the planet, Rommie. Rommie drove towards Mr. Martin with dog-in-tow. Worlds were about to collide.

We stood there transfixed, wondering if the opposite energy of the two men would tear the space- time continuum in half, opening up a new dimension in comedic reality. Rommie approached Mr. Martin. Their eyes met. Mr. Martin stood proud displaying his nasal prowess. Rommie sat proud displaying his dog walking ingenuity. A smile broke across Mr. Martin’s amused and crowd-pleasing face as he raised his arm to wave at his new neighbour. Rommie stared back, shocked, disgusted. He made a gesture towards Steve Martin’s giant nose. Steve Martin pulled out a long index finger, thrust it into his adequate right nostril and gave a ‘thumbs up’ sign. Rommie was taken aback; he shuddered with disgust, scowled for good measure, and rolled up his passenger window to shield the nose.

As he drove past, ‘walking the dog’, we saw the unmistakable denture-sheen glint of the beginnings of a smile to creep across his craggy face. My brother and I touched each other’s arms to make sure we had not in fact been transported to a surreal twilight zone. Our arms were there. It was real.

Steve Martin watched Princess round the bend then looked the other direction to see his approaching ride service. The car arrived and he hopped in. As he drove past we looked up into the big black car to see Steve Martin. He looked down at us behind that giant nose, and winked.

PS
This is not the house I grew up in.

Podorama

Channel 33789. SO easy to remember. Enjoy it. Podcasts are fun.

Innoventions

The best thing about combining two words into a new word is that you have carte blanche to the meaning of the word. I love combining words almost as much as I love late-nite TV infomercials, which are the known epicentre of linguistic innovation. Dom's sister Mary-Lou bought the Magic Bullet off TV last month. Last night we went over two her place and made delicious fruit creations. Fast. So fast. It's not a blender, it's a magic bullet. Anyhow, Mary-Lou has this little black toy poodle called Cayenne that's just the most wonderful little ball of youthful small dog energy you've ever imagined. Cayenne looked like a mini black sheep until she got razored and now looks like a mini black rat. I wasn't allowed to bring the camera cause it was assumed that I'd snap incriminating photos and post them on this blog. No big deal, you can imagine how cute and wonderful Cayenne is. She is super cute - just like the magic bullet. We don't have a ultra cute toy dog, but if we did, you best believe it would be riding in style in a car similar to the one pictured above. Innoventions rule. Where would we be without innoventions?

The 1 Second Film

Hey, are you be interested in putting money up to help produce a film that will only be one second long? You are? Great, go here:
http://the1secondfilm.com

This idea slays.

Nirvan Mullick, the guy running this, is getting people to donate money to help make the film. The film will be an IMAX film that will be exactly one second long. This is the best idea ever. They've already got thousands of people to help donate. This is so cool. The money will go to charity. Choice. If you donate you can get an entry in the imdb as a producer.

Slays.

PS
When you sign up as a producer, don't forget to mention that "Kyle MacDonald" referred you! If 10 people do that, I get a free t-shirt!

Podtastic

I've recorded a few stories and 'podcasted' them to the web, feel free to download them and listen! Sure, they're a little bit choppy, but what about my microphone!

http://kylemacmac.podomatic.com/

Gulp County Choppers

my brother Scott.
Scott likes Big Gulps.
Scott likes Double Gulps more than Big Gulps.
Scott thinks Double Gulps are even funner than Big Gulps.
Scott thinks Double Gulps with pictures of Choppers guys are even funner than regular Double Gulps and way more funnerly awesome than regular old Big Gulps.
Scott is happy.
Scott is happy because he is in Gulp County.

Oana in a Barrel

Just got some mail from Oana at the Port Moody Station Museum. She orchestrated the creation of a postcard barrel there last month and managed to get herself inside the barrel on the front page of the Tri-City News.

I'm very proud to have started a project that is able to put a picture of somebody in a Barrel on the front page of a tri-suburb newspaper.

If you're in the Vancouver area, be sure to get in on the Port Moody Station Message in a Barrel action. It's barrelific!

And if you're not in Vancouver, why not set up your own postcard barrel? --You might be able to get your picture on the front page of the newspaper!

My brother Scott and I visited the POMO barrel last month just before we left for L.A. As you can see from the picture, Oana wasn't in the barrel, just hundreds of postcards. I dropped a new, special, postcard addressed to Dom inside the barrel with the promise of a free dinner to anyone who delivers it:

Five EASY steps to get a free home-cooked meal:

1. Go to Port Moody.
2. Find the Postcard barrel.
3. Find the postcard addressed to Dominique in Montreal.
4. Go to Montreal.
5. Deliver the postcard to Dom.

A free dinner has never been so easy.

Embarrassing Pictures of People I Know

I can't wait till you all get famous and go on Letterman or Leno.

My brother Scott:

He got over it.

Then he went and did this:


Why Dom's my girl:


My buddy Dan:


This is Andy. He's Australian.


Me and Scott needed pictures for a Visa to get into China.

They let us in.

Stories

Stories: (these are all true)
My Uncle The Agent
**I Love Alberta Beef
$4 and a Microwave
Right Hand Man
Fantastique
Red Lion
The Moroccan School of Meat
A Grape Surprise
The Goolie
Shagadelique
Roxanne

Oh, and, if you're an editor, feel free to purchase a story or two for your publication! They're **all unpublished elsewhwere.

one red paperclip stories:
Go to www.oneredpaperclip.com and click on the pictures.

Midwest vs. Middle East

Spent today putting together stories from my Message in a Barrel postcard-delivering trip through the American Midwest. Just went to the mailbox and found a postcard sent in from somebody in Iran. First postcard from the Middle East.

This calls for a showdown.

I think I should hold a competition to determine which is the strongest 'Mid-section'. A cage match perhaps.

Billie Jean Shirt King

For all its amazingness, Google still occasionally drops the ball on a search string that should lead to an unbelieveble-that-someone-had-this-much-spare-time ridiculous to the max website - which unfortunately can throw a bit of a monkey wrench into my research of important topics. Google "history of the jean shirt" to see what I'm talking about. Believe it or not, repeated attempts to find a picture of Billie Jean King wearing a jean shirt came up dry as well.

Fifty bucks to the first person who can find me a picture of Billie Jean King standing beside a jean shirt clad Michael Jackson.

More deep thoughts on Jean Shirts, humanity, betting, etc:
It's widely known that Google is your one-stop shop to settte a bar bet. Click a few words and your evidence is on the screen. But I think Google's true power lies in the unarguable fact that if a search string of everything in the world ever fails to bring up a single website, then its existence is theoretically impossbible. Google these cases in point:

"attractive jean shirt"
"jean shirt clad badass"
"jean shirt wearing badass"
"jean shirt wearing tough guy"
"strongman in a jean shirt"
"cool guy in a jean shirt"
"I like to wear jean shirts"
"I can't live without jean shirts"
"I'd kill myself if it was illegal to wear jean shirts"
"I was so happy to get a jean shirt for my birthday"
"my favorite jean shirt"
"Thank you for the jean shirt."

The fact that none of these search strings brought up a single website is iron-clad, undeniable proof that jean shirts are the most ridiculous invention of all time - which of course makes them exceedingly cool and that you can bet that Von Dutch will make millions selling them to suckers within the decade.

PS
This is way out of line, but totally necessary and must be brought to your attention: go google "jeanshirt" and look at the first line in the description of the first website to come up.

PPS
Don't get me wrong, if you are a member of N.W.A. or are named Snoop, there is nothing on earth you can possbily put on that is cooler than a jean shirt. But if for some strange reason you aren't, then it is of my opinion that a jean shirt is the most inappropriate, offensive, and silly thing you can possibly wear.

But remember, this comes from a guy who will stop at nothing to shell out top dollar at a UNICAL 76 truck stop in Utah for a loser-grey shirt fronted with a picture of four eagles.

Credit

Just activated my new replacement credit card with a brand new number. Apparently some computer somewhere was stolen and had my card number on it(and hundreds of others). The bank scored me a new number as a precautionary measure.

In other precautionary measure credit-related news, I just googled "Achoppalypse Now" and came up with nothing - so credit-stealers beware, I'm giving myself full credit for the word. And while we're at inventing words that attempt to explain the inexplicable chopper craze, add "chopsanity" and "schopping" to my ever-growing list of new words.

I can't wait until somebody cuts to the chase and starts up a "Choppers" channel.

OFFICIAL Definitons:

Achoppalypse Now - A sign from above, expressed in everything choppers, that the world is going to end.

Chopsanity - The only word that can possibly descibe the incredibly varied array of chopper-related merchanise available to man.

Schopping - The art of buying chopper clad merchanise buy those who will never own a chopper.

Oh, and if you're an East coaster looking for a fresh new word to describe the record-slaying autumnal heatwave currently located in a city near you, "hotumn" should do the trick.

Achoppalypse Now

Many things are awesome, but this is awesomer.

Based on this, I'm finding it pretty tough to come up with any reasons not to move back to B.C.

Words are powerful

Three seconds ago, you weren't thinking of a Snoppy riding a green unicorn bareback being offered intermittent bottle shots of Jack Daniels by Dennis the Menace atop his pogo ball.

Now you are.

Words are powerful.

The October 3 Birthday Club

Is your birthday October 3?

If so, then welcome to the club. My name is Kyle MacDonald. My birthday is October 3 and this is the official October 3 birthday club.

Fact: 6 billion / 365 = 16 million -- that means there are about 16 million people on the planet who share a birthday on October 3!

If you're lucky enough to be born on October 3, then you can "officially" join the club by sending proof that you were born on October 3 to 3october@gmail.com. Send an email something and I'll sign you up!

If October 3 is your birthday, then your parents probably had a wild New Years Eve. Think about it. 9 Months.

There's lots of fun stuff planned, so keep on the lookout.

I hope talk with all you Oct3ers out there soon!

kyle

**Sorry, but if your birthday is not October 3, you can't join.

Members: 1

Sure, it's tacky to join your own club, but you gotta start somewhere...


Famous People Born on October 3:

1800-1899
· 1804 - Allan Kardec, founder of a doctrine/religion known as Spiritism or Kardecism.
· 1873 - Emily Post, etiquette advisor (d. 1960)
· 1880 - Warner Oland, actor (d. 1938)
· 1897 - Louis Aragon, French writer (d. 1982)
· 1898 - Leo McCarey, American movie director (d. 1969)
· 1899 - Gertrude Berg, actress (d. 1966)
1900-1999
· 1900 - Thomas Wolfe, author (d. 1938)
· 1916 - James Herriot, veterinarian, author (d. 1995)
· 1919 - James M. Buchanan, American economist
· 1925 - Gore Vidal, American author
· 1936 - Steve Reich, American composer
· 1938 - Eddie Cochran, singer (d. 1960)
· 1941 - Chubby Checker, American popular musician
· 1946 - Biff Henderson, Late Show with David Letterman
· 1947 - John Perry Barlow, American musician
· 1949 - Lindsey Buckingham, musician
· 1950 - Pamela Hensley, actress
· 1951 - Keb' Mo', blues singer
· 1951 - Dave Winfield, Baseball Hall of Famer
· 1954 - Dennis Eckersley, Baseball Hall of Famer
· 1954 - Al Sharpton, minister, politician
· 1954 - Stevie Ray Vaughan, guitarist (d. 1990)
· 1959 - Fred Couples, American golfer
· 1962 - Tommy Lee, American rock musician
· 1965 - Jan-Ove Waldner, Swedish table tennis player
· 1969 - Gwen Stefani, singer, No Doubt frontwoman
· 1973 - Neve Campbell, Canadian actress
· 1976 - Seann William Scott, actor




October 3 Historical Dates

2400 BC - AD 1899
· 2333 BC - Legendary date of the establishment of the Kingdom of Chosun (Korea)
· 42 BC - First Battle of Philippi: The Triumvirs Mark Antony and Octavian fight an indecisive battle with Caesar's assassins Brutus and Cassius. Although Brutus defeats Octavian, Antony defeats Cassius.
· 1283 - Dafydd ap Gruffydd, prince of Gwynedd in Wales, becomes the first person executed by drawing and quartering
· 1574 - Siege of Leiden lifted by the Watergeuzen - foundation of the first Dutch university
· 1712 - Duke of Montrose issues a warrant for the arrest of Rob Roy MacGregor
· 1739 - The Treaty of Nissa is signed by the Ottoman Empire and Russia at the end of the Russian-Turkish War, 1736-1739.
· 1789 - George Washington proclaims the first Thanksgiving Day
· 1863 - Thanksgiving Day declared as the last Thursday in November by President Abraham Lincoln.
1900-1999
· 1918 - King Boris III of Bulgaria takes the throne
· 1929 - The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes is renamed to Kingdom of Yugoslavia, "Land of the South Slavs".
· 1932 - Iraq gains its independence
· 1935 - Italy invades Ethiopia under General de Bono (replaced November 11 by Pietro Badoglio)
· 1942 - Germany tests the first V-2 rocket
· 1951 - New York Giants beat the Brooklyn Dodgers 5-4, winning the National League pennant, with Bobby Thomson's three-run homer called "The Shot Heard 'Round the World"
· 1952 - United Kingdom successfully tests a nuclear weapon
· 1960 - The Andy Griffith Show debuted
· 1962 - At Cape Canaveral the Mercury 8 blasted off with Astronaut Wally Schirra aboard for a nine-hour flight
· 1964 - Underdog debuts on CBS.
· 1981 - The Hunger Strike by Irish Republican Army prisoners at the Maze jail in Belfast ends after seven months and 10 deaths.
· 1990 - The re-unification of Germany. East Germany ceases to exist.
· 1993 - Battle of Mogadishu: In an attempt to capture officials of warlord Mohamed Farrah Aidid's organization in Mogadishu, Somalia, 18 US Army Rangers and about 2000 Somalis are killed. US forces withdraw from Somalia shortly thereafter.
· 1995 - O. J. Simpson found not guilty of murder.
2000-2099
· 2004 - The Montreal Expos play their last major league baseball game before the franchise is moved to Washington, D.C.

Twenty Six

It's not every year that I get to celebrate my birthday with a two-handed leaf toss / ultra-cheesy photo op.

Thankfully, this is one of those years.

It's gonna be a good spin around the sun, I've got that prickly, suspenseful, spine-tingle that precludes a good stretch of life...or maybe that's just a leaf stuck in my shirt.